CNY 2012 - Be humble

Thank god for allowing me to spend this joyous occassion with my family! Love life :)

Sometimes I find CNY is nothing but meeting people whom you call relatives but you meet once a year and reluctantly give off that hongbao. It is such a torture recently when I find that relatives like to compare results, your job, whose bag is more branded or whose car is bigger.

If you are one of those people, think that you are so rich or so successful that you have to put other people down or look down on people, reflect. Humility goes a long long way. Yes you may be so rich now or have so much in life now, but you may also lose everything overnight. When that happens, people around you will only help you if you have been a humble person.

I was telling hubby about this and hubby said he doesn't care as long as the three of us are together as a family. I really have alot to learn from my this old hubby. He really can heck care all the negative things in life and move on be himself and love his family. Love him so much.

So my new year resolution is to be humble and be with humble people.

My lovely family

Cousin and Me

Brave and strong

Ever since people hear of my situation, I have been receiving compliments that I am a brave and strong girl. I actually felt flattered but didn't really think much of these two words until there is a room mate during this hospital stay told me that I was a strong girl.

I was kind of curious, so I asked her what made her say this since she is also a patient herself. Somehow it feels different from when my friends say the same thing.

She said because I was quite ok with the chemo. No whining, no crying, don't look scare and still can smile.

A little story about her: 58 year old lady, Gladys. Fought colon cancer in 2006. Relapsed recently. Initially rejected treatment but was encouraged by her doctors. Her cancer already spread to other parts of her body. A soft-spoken lady.

I never thought I could be associated with being brave and strong. 

I have been so timid since young.

When I was in primary school, I was scare of the teachers. I am so timid that I make sure I do my homework everyday and even cried every sunday because of pre-monday blues. I want to be at home I want to be sheltered like a little baby.

When I was in secondary school, every PE lesson I would feel giddy until the teach thought that I was a "chao geng" Ah Lian. And everytime I wanted to be strong, I just couldn't do it. I would still complain of being too weak to run.

When I went for my first three months during JC, I was the only one in my secondary school who went into that school. I was so scare. I cried. I wanted to be with my friends. I was so afraid of being alone.

When I got pregnant, I was so scare of being a mother and giving birth. I admired my friends who didn't use epidural when they gave birth. I told everyone I could never be so strong. And when my baby arrived, I didn't dare to carry her because she was so small so tiny and so fragile, I was afraid I couldn't be a good mummy.

So how can I be strong? How can I be brave?

Deep down inside I am a timid little girl (even my husband thinks so too)

I think I am just going through what most people thought was unthinkable. But hey, cancer is not unthinkable! It can happen to anyone and it is very very common.

Bravery is if I choose to have cancer so that I can show how strong I am by fighting it. On the other hand, Cancer chose me so I have no other choice but to fight it. That is called "认命". I am so timid, I leave everything to fate.

At least I think I am being very optimistic. I shop for comfort, I whine for attention.

And yes! I did not use epidural for giving birth! lolx.

First Lumbar Puncture

Yesterday I did my first lumbar puncture. It is done at the end of the spinal cord near the tail bone.

Purpose is to extract some spinal fluid to test and to put the chemo medicine into it too.

Doctor requested for me to do LP so that the medicine used is lesser and can be concentrated at the spinal fluid. It is to reduce the chance of it relapsing by 60-70%.

Because my lymphoma is at the spinal cord, the chance of it relapsing is very high. So doing the LP is necessary and need to do 4 times.

Total I took 4 local anesthesia (LA) and I had to lie to the side, curl up like a fetus. First time they poke in, they couldn't get any fluid so they poke another spot.

They also asked me changed position to a seated position and lean over a table.

I could feel some tingling sensation like a raw gum feeling. Scary max!

The whole procedure took 45 minutes or so. The whole procedure I distracted myself by sms-ing my dear cousin and the doctor said I was the first patient to do so.

She said I am the best patient! Yay yay!

Compared this to my bone marrow aspiration, I find it lumbar puncture is more painful! And the nurse was amazed that I actually felt this was more painful lolx.

And now, the sore is still there like a big blue black behind me. Felt like the nerves are in a mess at my pelvis area.

Blah!

New neighbour-Grace

This stay, I got to know a new neighbour - Grace.

I think she is in her 60s-70s. Diagnosed with advanced liver cancer.

But she say she do not want to go through chemo. Awaiting for the time to come and meet god.

Waiting for a bed in the hospice.

For a moment, I didn't know how to react. All along, the people I met, they are fighting to live. Go for chemo, go for operation and dialysis. They fight to survive.

But for Grace, she chose to give up. I don't know how to react or what questions to ask her.

I feel sad because I cannot imagine if I am her. I will be damn afraid. Imagine the cancer cells eat up your body and you smell of morphine, because you need morphine to get through the pain. Then, you will wither and become left with bones and die. (Is that how you die when cancer cells kill you?)

You know what is the best part? All her life she drank lots of anti-oxidant green tea with brown rice, eat oats every morning. She eat very healthy, never drink. And she gets liver cancer, advanced stage somemore.

So what?

Bone Marrow Results

Today I finally gotten my bone marrow results. Actually, I would never know the results unless I asked the doctor.

The bone marrow aspiration was done in mid November, and sometimes you just have to ask to know what is going on. Maybe doctors think you are stupid or too layman, you need to push them for the results.  All along I thought if no news means good news. Apparently, you have to ask and you will be given.

So back to the results. There are lymphoma cells present in the bone marrow. But it is non-aggressive.

The one at my spinal cord is diffuse large B-cell lymphoma. It is aggressive and fast growing means it will respond to chemo well. And there are additional CD30 expressions present in that. (Have to google what is CD30 expressions)

It was very heng that just nice the spot where they did the bone marrow aspiration (BMA) they found the scatter of cells. Chemo will still kill it. But it just means that there might be dormant cells lingering in the bone marrow awaiting to be erupted.

So I am a walking time machine, carrying dormant lymphoma cells walking around. So you guys, treat me like a queen ok? hahahhaa

Chemo Session 4 Part 1

Just had my 4th session of chemo yesterday. Means I am only left with two more sessions!

Next monday I am going to admit into SGH again for another 4 days. This time Doctor has instructed to do an MRI scan on my spine. I presume it is to see whether the mass has become smaller.

This time the chemo side effects is bad. After chemo at 2pm, I went home and slept from 4 to 8 pm. Then tried to sleep at 12am but to no avail.

Woke up at 2am to vomit. And the vomit makes my throat super hot. Like as if I just had 麻辣火锅！

And I thought I was tolerating the side effects well and there comes vomiting. Really cannot be too 嚣张.


P/S: Anybody wana visit me next week at SGH? Please do so ok? I will be damn bored.

Loving my new wig

My mum's friend shaved her hair because she went for a temporary 出家. I admire her to shave her hair for no other sick reasons!

So she said she bought her wig from Thailand and she intend to give me one because it looked too young on her.

At first I rejected as I seldom wear my own wig because it was quite uncomfy and the fringe was a bit too difficult to manage. Then later I tried her wig, I am totally loving it! Somehow it is very natural. Because it has frays of hair flowing and the fringe is not entirely stuck to the cap. (don't know how to explain). So, ya I "kop-ed" the wig from her.

Looked like china doll, said Cousin.

P/S: Remember I bought a new wig on 18 Dec and the website stated that it has been delivered, but till date, I have yet to receive it. Best part is I wanted to let them know on the website but it kept failed to load my orders page. No way to contact them. I felt cheated!

Best doctor -- Dr Miriam Tao

Today's schedule: Appointment at 1145am to see Dr Miriam Tao. Asked to reach one hour earlier for blood test.

11am: Went to NCC and take blood test.

12pm: While waiting to see Doctor, the nurse told me to go for lunch as there were 9 people ahead of me. Took a shuttle bus out of SGH and had lunch at chinatown. (Felt like an achievement as I always thought shuttle buses are rocket science.)

1.15pm: Finally took the shuttle bus back to SGH. While on the bus, received an SMS to say I have 2 more patients ahead of me.

1.40pm: Alighted at NCC and thought I was late! But actually the number is still stuck at the one indicated on the SMS. (Still the same patient)

2.30pm: Nurse asked me to move to another clinic, because the afternoon shift doctors are taking over the clinics already.

Then while waiting for my turn, I heard two aunties complaining about the waiting time. They say that was the longest they have ever waited. And the nurse told them that I will be the last while they will go before me.

3pm: Dr Miriam Tao's nurse came out and call my name. Immediately the aunty behind me told her that she is supposed to be ahead of me. Dr Tao has to come out and tell them that I am having chemo so I go first. The two aunties must be damn pissed.

Oh, I said Dr Miriam Tao is the best doctor because she is so nice! When I walked into her room, she immediately "sayang" me by saying I am such a patient girl. She even gave me a privilege that the next time if I have waited for more than half an hour, I can knock on the door and tell her I am outside. She will let me go in first. She will even indicate on my file to give me priority. Reason being I am on chemo and my legs are inconvenient.

Aww.... Feel that she really takes care of me.

And feel guilty for acting weak! hahahaha

Top 10 Detox Foods

Abstracted from Yahoo!

Lemon

Lemons are a staple of many detox diets, and there is good reason for this. Firstly, lemons are packed with antioxidant vitamin C, which is great for the skin and for fighting disease-forming free-radicals. Furthermore, the citrus fruit has an alkaline effect on the body, meaning that it can help restore the body's pH balance, benefitting the immune system. Try starting your day with hot water and a slice of lemon to help flush out toxins and cleanse your system.

Ginger

If too much fatty food or alcohol has caused problems for your digestive system, it may be worthwhile adding some ginger to your diet. Ginger is not only great for reducing feelings of nausea, but it can help improve digestion, beat bloating and reduce gas. In addition to this, ginger is high in antioxidants and is good for boosting the immune system. To give your digestion a helping hand, try sipping on ginger tea or adding some freshly grated ginger to a fruit or vegetable juice.

Garlic

Garlic has long been known for its heart benefits, however the pungent food is also good at detoxifying the body. Garlic is not only antiviral, antibacterial and antibiotic, but it contains a chemical called allicin which promotes the production of white blood cells and helps fight against toxins. Garlic is best eaten raw, so add some crushed garlic to a salad dressing to boost its flavour and your health at the same time.

Artichoke

If you have recently been overindulging in fatty foods and alcohol, adding some steamed globe artichoke leaves to your meals is a great way to help get your body back on track. Globe artichokes are packed with antioxidants and fibre and can also help the body digest fatty foods. On top of this, globe artichoke is renowned for its ability to stimulate and improve the functions of the liver - the body's main toxin-fighting tool.

Beetroot

For those needing a quick health-boosting shot of nutrients, you can't do much better than beetroot. Packed with magnesium, iron, and vitamin C, the vegetable has recently been hailed as a superfood due to its many reported health benefits. Not only is beetroot great for skin, hair and cholesterol levels, but it can also help support liver detoxification, making it an ultimate detox food. To enjoy its benefits, try adding raw beetroot to salads or sipping on some beetroot juice.

Green tea

While it's not technically a food, no detox plan would be complete without regular consumption of essential liquids. Fluids are essential for keeping our organs healthy and helping to flush toxins from the body, and drinking green tea is a great way of boosting your intake. Green tea is not only a good weight-loss drink, but it is extremely high in antioxidants. Research has also suggested that drinking green tea can protect the liver from diseases including fatty liver disease.

Cabbage

Many celebs have resorted to the cabbage soup diet to help lose weight and get in shape quickly before a big event, however cabbage is not only good for weight loss - it is also an excellent detoxifying food. Like most cruciferous vegetables (including broccoli and sprouts), cabbage contains a chemical called sulforaphane, which helps the body fight against toxins. Cabbage also supplies the body with glutathione; an antioxidant that helps improve the detoxifying function of the liver.

Fresh fruit

Fresh fruits are high in vitamins, minerals, antioxidants and fibre= and are also low in calories, making them an important part of a detox diet. If you're after brighter eyes and skin, shinier hair and improved digestion, try boosting your intake of fruit and eating from a wide variety of different kinds. The good news is fruit is easy to add to your diet, so try starting your day with a fresh fruit salad or smoothie and snacking on pieces of fruit throughout the day.

Brown rice

If you want to cleanse your system and boost your health, it is a good idea to cut down on processed foods. Instead, try supplementing your diet with healthier whole grains such as brown rice, which is rich in many key detoxifying nutrients including B vitamins, magnesium, manganese and phosphorous.  Brown rice is also high in fibre, which is good for cleansing the colon, and rich in selenium, which can help to protect the liver as well as improving the complexion.

Watercress

Like most green herbs and vegetables, watercress is an excellent health-booster and detox food. Firstly, watercress leaves are packed with many vital detoxifying nutrients, including several B vitamins, zinc, potassium, vitamin E and vitamin C. Secondly, watercress has natural diuretic properties, which can help to flush toxins out the body. To reap the benefits of this nutritious food, try adding a handful of watercress to salads, soups and sandwiches.

Rashes oh Rashes

My CVC line site has rashes erupting!


Itchy... Itchy.... Itchy....

Desperately went to Watson's to buy the dressing to change to non-waterproof. (Buy in SGH is cheaper)

Numb Fingers

Yes! Chemo causes finger tips to be numb.

Could be temporary, could be permanent.

No cause for alarm because I do not play musical instruments and I still can write.

Why don't chemo just numb my heart.

New friend

The last stay at SGH, there was a patient, Helen (it's her real name), who is coincidentally my neighbour during my stay.

A short introduction of her: 58 year old lady, married with one son. Worked in the Immigration and Checkpoint as some officer who checks people coming into Singapore. Is currently going through treatment for myeloma. It is a rare blood cancer which affects 4 out of 100,000 people. And it is generally thought as incurable. She has went though a series of chemo but apparently her body does not respond to chemo so now she has to go through a stem cell transplant. This has been going on for a year or something. Her doctor said if she hadn't found out of this cancer, she could only have 2 more years. Now hopefully she can extend to 12 years with all the treatment.

How will you feel, if your doctor tells you that you only have 12 more years to live?

She said she would like to do sewing when she is well. And she has been going to work. She feels alive going to work and at no thoughts of retiring earlier. She planned to retire at 62 years old.

A brave lady. Very optimistic and strong.

She makes me feel embarrassed at my own problems. My sickness is so treatable, so insignificant beside hers.And I also have no plans when I am well! I only plan if I should go HK or else where. hahahhaa..

She really made my stay so enjoyable listening to her stories. Time passes faster and we even exchanged numbers.

She said whenever she had treatment at NCC, she would see alot of young people there too. She will pray for them and hope they recover soon.

Because myeloma causes bone lesions, she start to worry that she might become immobile. So she insist she has to be independent and make full use of her legs. But she isn't quite sad because she said immobile comes with old age and she is ageing too.

I pray for you, Helen. Let's FIGHT!