12th Nov 2011 (Sat): 15th day in Hospital (SGH) - After 1st Chemo (day3)

Today is 3rd day after first chemo.

Side effects: Vomit 2 times, constant headache, fatigue

I am so lucky to have my second aunt and mum around when I was vomiting. They really sayang me :) I'm sorry I choked the basin but I cannot bend down at the toilet bowl because of my back.

I am already in hospital for 2 weeks straight. 

Everything is becoming very dull and routine. Suddenly, I don't feel as cheery as before. It could be the effect of the chemotherapy.

The thought of the need to go through 6 sessions of chemotherapy feels helpless.

Operation could be done in 4 hours, recover in 3 days.
Abortion could be done in 1 night, recover in 2 days.
Walking could only get better and better with practice.

But chemotherapy, it is constantly putting in the medicines in to kill your good and bad cells. You recover, and you get the medicine and feel weak again. For 6 times, it feels never-ending.

I hate the medicines (especially Lactulose), the sight of that liquid stool softener makes me wanna puke.

I hate the Milo. I drink 3 cups of milo a day. One for breakfast, one for tea break, one for supper. Used to be my favourite drink now I hate it.

I hate the aircon here. It is so cold at night and it doesn't seem to be able to adjust the temperature. I use two blanket, both double fold, I still feel cold :(

I hate them poking me again and again and again. It's either to take blood, give me medicine or for drip. Both my arms are full of holes and plasters.

Today, Cousin came early morning to push me down in the wheelchair. She wants me to get out of the room and get some fresh air. She complains I am very heavy. But I think I won't be that heavy for too long. In the evening, I walked ventured round my ward with my walking stick, my sister and auntie. It is just one round but my legs feel tired after that. Tomorrow I aim to walk two rounds. I will slowly increase and exercise my legs :)

Today is the first time Hubby did not visit me because he has to look after Vera. It's ok, there is always Video Calls!

I cried again before I sleep because I miss my hubby again. I feel insecure again. I hate this feeling..


"In the beginning of life, when we were infants, we need others to survive, right? And at the end of life, when you get like me, you need others to survive, right? But here's the secret: in between, we need others as well." (p.157) -- Tuesdays with Morrie