9th Nov 2011 (Wed): 12th day in Hospital (SGH) - 1st Chemo

Woke up at 4am, couldn't get back to sleep so here I am blogging. Just remembered about a book I read many years ago -- Tuesdays with Morries. Went to google some of the quotes written in the book and found alot of them very meaningful and applicable to life :) I am so gonna pick this book up and read again.

pg 21

“There are some mornings when I cry and cry and mourn for myself. Some mornings, I’m so angry and bitter. But it doesn’t last too long. Then I get up and say, ‘I want to live . . .’”

I think this quote really reflects a lot of people who are sick or face difficulties and stress in life. But it has a very strong fighting sense to survive and live past the sadness. So we should all strive to LIVE!

However, this quote does not really reflect me, because I don't cry and cry, I will at most tear for 5 minutes and then I will stop. I am also not angry nor bitter, just very calm and go through whatever I have to go through. I feel more guilty towards people around me who has to go through these with me. But I like the last sentence"Then I get up and say, ‘I want to live . . .’" It is always good to remind yourself YOU WANT TO LIVE! And be grateful you can wake up everyday and see your loved ones. So you will spend time doing things that are worthy. Spend time with families, catch up with friends, do some voluntary work, eat good food, go travel etc..


Then I have been thinking whether I should get myself a gift? Mini encouragement but I can sense the reluctance later when I tell hubby about it. Because he always thinks that I always buy something and use it for a while only.

My wishlist:

• bag? 
• ipad?
• camera?

Actually, I have eliminated bag because I think I won't be going out too often. ipad I do not know if it is useful because I have a laptop and iphone which is sufficient for me. Ipad seems to be bulky and serves no additional usage, it's just a bigger iphone.

So, for now I really feel like buying a NEW AND GOOD Camera. I want to capture all good images of life. Yet I don't know if it is a good choice since I always use my iphone's camera because it is highly portable. Suggestions please! 

Then today the nurse was trying to drill into me informing me about the side effects of chemo: fatigue, vomit, nauseous, gums bleed, no appetite, no immune system, cannot have fever and losing hair...

I haven't been worrying about losing my hair until now that it is going to happen REAL SOON. My hair has been very little since young, Vera is a testament to my genes. But the thought that I am really going bald is so unbelievable! But it is ok, I am looking forward to having a new hairstyle and new baby hair growth. Hopefully, it turns out black and smooth! I will go shave it all off when I couldn't stand the patches on the head.

My cousin even motivated me by saying "well at least u won't have armpit and pubic hair!" muahahaha! And I received a nice hat from my hubby's ex-colleague, Ivy. I think it is really what I need! Thanks Ivy :)

Remember my nice silky hair... Bye bye ugly and sparse eyebrows!

Just saw Jomei's blog. She is a cancer survivor and she wrote a blog entry on me. I feel so bad reminding her the dark days. But seeing her so radiant and cherish what she has and happy, I am very happy for her :) She is my role model!

Weight before chemotherapy: 49.5kg. Height: 157cm. (They discount 1 cm lor. I should be 158cm lei)  Lets see how it goes throughout the sessions.


4pm: Start of Chemotherapy

The chemo medicines will go through this tube

A lot of people thought that chemotherapy needs to go through a gigantic machine and let laser kill the cells or along that line. But it is actually just pumping drugs into your veins to kill the cells. The procedure is actually not very scary. I just lie there and the drugs make me drowsy, so I just sleep from 9pm to next morning 6am.

But the emotional and psychological part of chemo is more trying for me. Lying there when the drugs are pumping in, I totally CANNOT believe that I, LIM YORK MUN, has to go through chemotherapy in this life! Not to mention at age 26 when my life should be the healthiest, most vibrant and most energetic! It was really a tad torturing to know that my body will be subject to the cruelty of the drugs. The thought of it shivers me sometimes.

The side effects will only come in 3-5 days later. I hope it won't be too bad :(

12am: end of chemotherapy session 1. I fell asleep soundly already.


"Sometimes you have to go through things and not around them." -- Anonymous