I am so gonna write down the events that happened today :)
I AM BACK TO CIVILISATION!
I don't know is it the steroids, but I couldn't sleep at night. Would fall asleep at 1am then wake up at 3am to pee and then couldn't rest until 5-6 am. Then Vera will wake up at 6 plus then I only rested until 7-ish.
Since I was awake, went for a breakfast with my in-laws and MIL's friend. MIL was very good to buy food for me because I cannot walk also hahaha..
The whole morning, Vera keep sticking to me wherever I go. When I am on the bed, she will come up and lie beside me and chat with me. Ask me to use her bear to tickle her, make her count from 1-20, count her fingers and toes, and just lie beside me. When I am in the living room, she takes out all her toys and ask me play with her. Hubby says Vera really misses me, really stick to me.
I miss her too. And I feel guilty when I have to reject her when she pounced on me to hug me twice today when we were seated on the sofa :( She tried to hug me and I told her the CVC line is there I am afraid she will pull it off so I told her I cannot hug her. She looked disappointed. This is the time when you really feel helpless not able to give her the attention she needs.
Then Cousin dabao Macdonald's breakfast to my house at Tampines after seeing her parents off at the airport. Yummy! I don't care if it is junk food la! I love the taste of the hash brown! I know I have to be healthy. But this indulgence makes me feel alive.
Off we go to my mum's place and then to NEX to do my SIM card and marketing at the NTUC.
I really have nice sisters. Wore their jacket out just to wear it over my spag strap top. I have to use a spag strap top to hold my central venus catheter (CVC). I also have to wear my "corset" which looks very turtle. It is to align my spine and have to be worn for 3 months. So I just wear a jacket over the "corset" too.
My sisters have to hold me throughout the whole journey when I am out. I am not very independent. I can use the walking stick but I think I walk very slow with it. So I rather hold someone's hand and walk at their speed.
I shopped the whole of NTUC at Nex pushing the trolley. The trolley acts as my walking stick, very useful! I think I shopped for ONE HOUR there! Bought some organic oats, cheese, biscuit for me and Vera! Stocking up on the food just in case I feel hungry at my mum's place.
No wonder, my legs feel really tired after that. I still can feel numbness in my toes. Wonder if that will affect the long term damage of nerves? Are my nerves damaged? Will I get to walk independently for rest of my life?
Then, had dinner at 鼎太丰 with my mum, hubby, Vera and sisters. And my dad called me and said I won 4D! hahahha.. I gave him $20 to help me buy $10 ibet on 1410 and $10 ibet on 1985. Just random thought. It is my birthday and I thought since I just got discharged and lost my iphone, maybe I will be lucky in 4D! Sure enough, I really win $200 only. The dinner itself costs $80 already.
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| See that cheeky face! |
After dinner, hubby took Vera home alone. Felt really useless. I should be with them, helping him. Now he is like a single parent doing everything. I want to be useful again, I want to be a mother again taking care of my own kid. And I really don't wish to part with Vera like that in the shopping centre, just a few hugs and kisses and we are separated :(
Nonetheless, I think going back home is an encouragement to a patient's well-being. When I am in hospital I feel sick maybe because of the side effects. But at home, I can skip the anti-nauseating medicine and I do not feel any effects on that! Probably cos the mind is pre-occupied and you feel normal when out of hospital. In the hospital, you just lie there and worry about the side effects, no one to talk to you. I have visitors also but there are also "off-peak" period where you are alone and the environment just makes you feel sick!
I am writing this blog at 5am, couldn't sleep again. Slept at 1am and wake up again to pee at 3am and couldn't get back to sleep :( I shall try to take my steroids a bit earlier tonight see if it helps me to sleep better.
Just read online that dropping hair can be a painful process. I am going to cut short short at any hairdresser opposite my house. I am not so ready to shave it all bald since I can still see my hair! But cut it real short since dropping off can be quite painful I think. I don't know is it to the scalp or the emotional part of seeing patches of empty spaces.
I also don't have intention to get a wig now. Because firstly, a wig looks rather fake and I think it is quite hot to wear it in Singapore right? (As if a hat is any better!). At this point now, I think I can foresee myself wearing a hat.
I do not care about other's people view, I know I am just different!
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