Bye bye November 2011

November 2011 is coming to an end in 2.5 hours time.

What have you achieved done in this month? Have you said I love you to your dearest? Have you went to the restaurant you have always wanted to go? Have you bought that dress you always dreamt yourself in? Have you went kite flying (I don't know why I thought of kite flying as the most interesting activity, but go for it if you haven't) Have you taken a break from work?....

Ok the list goes on. My idea is... go for the things you have always wanted to do. Learn pole dancing, write a love letter, learn taichi (muahahha).

For me, November 2011 entails a lot of unexpected events for me.

I had an spinal cord operation on 30 Oct (ok that is not November. But that is the start of the story). The doctor said he has to cut me up operate on me to take this "mass" that is growing in my spinal cord and was pressing on my BIG nerve. He HAS to cut me up or else I will be paralysed. I was for your info already 95% numb in both my legs for one day. It was scary. Really scary. I cannot go toilet, cannot walk, totally dependent on people to do my daily acitivities. My legs are from waist down, cold and numb. No blood flow. No feeling.

Numerous doctors came in and out of my ward, tested my toes up and down, I got it all wrong. They tickled my feet and I don't feel itchy. They asked me to kick and lift up "try your best!" was all they shouted because I couldn't lift my legs at all. I replied" I am trying my best already!"

The doctor said 3 days, mind you, 3 days and I will be totally permanently half paralysed.

It was an emergency operation. It was emergency because they cannot allow a 26 year old, young, pretty, have a bright future, with a 2 year old kid be paralysed. Not so if I am 86 years old. So if I am 86 years old, I get to be paralysed and wait to die. I really do not want that to happen at 86. But at that old age, no one could survive this 4 hour operation anyway.

No discussions (they only gave me 5 minutes to do the discussion with my family members) no negotiation. I had to do the operation. Take out that stupid mass and do a biopsy test. The mass is in my spinal cord, it is impossible to take out whole of the mass (it will be a SUPER MAJOR 14 hour operation cutting front and back. I might not survive it). So they have to cut me up at the back, take out part of my bone, sew me back and test the mass.

Initially, they saw the mass and presumed it to be tuberculosis (TB), so they quarantined me. I didn't know that TB can occur on other sites other than the lungs? Anyway, I hope it was TB. Just a string of anti-biotics and viola! TB is gone.

Give me TB, give me TB!

After the operation, my aim is to stand up and walk and use my legs. So there you go the strings of physiotherapies and occupational therapies. Ah Ha! What's the difference right?

Physio teaches walking and learn how to use the walking stick (at least that's my impression of what the physio has done to me). Occupational therapist taught me how to roll to the side from the lying position, put my legs down and sit up. She also taught me how to put on my own pants in a sitting position. So OT is more towards daily activities. I am very grateful for the ladies (I forgot their names) in TTSH who are so patient and nice to taught me those simple activities and so encouraging. (the ones at SGH are impatient and do not come everyday, hence I did not get to move much in SGH).

Gotta wear a turtle shell a.k.a corset (I don't know why this sexy term. It is the least sexy thing I have ever worn), or rather the back brace for 3 long months. Gotta make sure my spine doesn't go mis-aligned you know? It makes me have limited choices for my clothes. I can only wear a big t-shirt or a sweater to cover this big piece of thing hugging my body.

Then one week later, I couldn't remember the exact date. My report is out from the lab. They concluded it is not TB. The infectious disease department already stopped visiting me. They know it is not infectious disease, it is a tumor.

Yes, A TUMOR! Tumor is a scary word. Malign or benign? Cancerous or non cancerous?

Why not TB? I want a TB!

So, my surgeon broke the news to me. He said to me in a straight face with his spectacles as big as a goggles. "You have Lymphoma. I am glad it is lymphoma and not other kind of cancer. It is highly treatable." Then he walked away.

I sat there.

Highly treatable sounds good. Lymphoma? What is Lymphoma? Ok. Not going into details. It is just cancer.

Next comes the oncologist from John Hopskin. "Well, you have aggressive B cells Lymphoma. It is highly treatable. Don't worry. You will need to go through 6 sessions of chemotherapy" -- This is a summary. I cannot really remember what else he said.

Then I realise that my dear insurance company, Prudential, do not cover John Hopskin. So I got transferred to the National Cancer Centre (NCC) at SGH. I will be doing my treatment there.

No crying. No sobbing. No whining. No complaints.

I did not do any of the above after I know I got diagnosed with Lymphoma. I was calm and I accept things as it is. As long as I go through the treatment I will be treated. I will survive like our dear PM Lee. (He was diagnosed with Lymphoma in 1992. He is still alive now. Just that he did not seek treatment locally. Hmmm... If I met him I would like to ask him why)

Anyway, I am really very lucky I bought a well-covered hospitalisation plan. For all the fuss about my condition. I did not have to worry any one cent about my hospitalisation bills, NOT A SINGLE CENT.

I even told the doctor "Do not care about the finance. I am totally covered. Just give me the best" (ok I did not say that last part. But it was ringing in my head. I need the best! Da Best!)

I bought Prudential's A premier. (No, I am not advertising) Pay for rider (the one that covers your co-insurance and deductibles.) I bet you wouldn't want to worry about whether your medisave have enough to pay for your hospitalisation bills while you are lying on the hospital bed getting poked by all sorts of needles. You just want to watch that TV show peacefully while getting poked again..... and again.

Buy the one that covers until private hospital and A1 ward in restructured hospital. You would want to be able to choose whether to get cured in that private hospital or those government hospital. You wouldn't want to sleep in that C class ward. Where there is no air con and it is in open concept. It is sad.

So buy that hospitalisation plan please. Pay for rider. Buy the best. My bill at TTSH with a spinal operation, 1 day ICU, 5 days B1 ward, 2 days in A1 ward. Amounted to a whopping $20,000! All well-taken care of by my hospitalisation plan.

And if you have this plan, you can request for Letter of Guarantee (LOG) during admission. This allows the insurance company to guarantee you a certain amount and you do not need to pay that deposit upon admission.

FYI, one chemo session costs me 6K. I have 6 chemo sessions. Do the math.

At SGH, stayed for 2 weeks.

Had an abortion. Yes. Emotional. But I am no risk taker when it comes to the health of my child. I cannot afford. Furthermore, granted that my back cannot take any more heavy burden, it just means I cannot lug a big tummy with a baby inside. I have to go through 5 months of chemo. Not good for the baby. I am sorry.

Put that catheter tube into my body. I now have a permanent tube sticking out at my right chest. This tube allows blood taking and chemo drugs to be done through it. No pain. No poking. No bruises at my hands anymore. But have to take good care cannot allow for infection. The tube links all the way near to my heart. If not done properly, might poke through the lungs, affect the heart. Spare me the details. As if cancer is not enough.

Done my first chemotherapy in my life. Chemotherapy does not involve BIG machines like how the name suggests. It is putting poison drugs into your body to kill all your good cells, bad cells, hair and immune system. As this chinese saying goes 宁可杀错，不可放过。Kill, kill, kill.

Yea, it makes me want to sleep. It makes me vomit three times. And it makes me bald.

Stayed at home for one week after discharge. Basically, my day is wake up and see my Mum cook. Learn to cook (I'm trying the theory only haha). Eat eat eat like there is no tomorrow. I try to eat all the good fruits and food. Stuff myself with all the anti-oxidant food to tilt the scale of winning cancer to my side.

Then I will blog, surf facebook, window shop online, look at shares.

And if I am really really really bored, I read. I have in my whole life never read more than 5 books I think. But now I read. Reading makes me feel more knowledgeable, I read about inspirational books, health books and cancer books.

I will pester my mum to bring me out. I like to go out and shop, I mean breathe fresh air. Obviously, physiotherapy don't work. Shopping works! Ohh. I mean breathe fresh air works. *breathe*

Basically this is my month of November 2011.

I survived.